Is It Safe for Me?
I am 46 years old. I learn a lot from those younger than me and even more from my elders. From everything I have heard while listening to others, I have deduced that we may live in one of the most divided times in our nation’s history. This seems remarkable, considering the Civil War of the 19th Century and the social revolution of the 1960s, but many have said that the tension between Americans has never been worse.
Naturally, many people resist engaging anyone in a setting that is uncomfortable or different. This is one of the reasons why so many sit in the back, stream things online and connect digitally.
The question many people ask themselves before they try church is, will this be safe for me?
I personally understand this question, both as someone who has been badly hurt but also as someone who feels compassion for those who feel such fear about a community that should be, of all things, safe for earnest participants.
If you are someone who has given up on church because it feels unsafe, I suggest first deciding to take one small step of trust toward a person you know is likely to be safe. If you are in the Arlington area, you are welcome to reach out to any of us from Trinity Church. Next, once this step is taken and you are ready, choose to lower your defenses, just a little bit. Be vulnerable. This is a risky move and we know that but in order to have the joy you really desire, you must choose to take this risk. Remember, God loves you and He cares. You are not taking this step alone.
Once you have lowered your defenses, just a bit, connect with someone over something small. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It can be something modest, like your shared love of German food, being a fan of Taylor Swift or F1 racing! This connection will allow you to take the next step: intimacy. Once you have that connection and share it with another person, they have become more than a stranger. They have become, in some small way, a friend. Someone you would like to chat with at the grocery store or send a text to from time to time.
Finally, these four steps will lead to your personal growth. You will have become, in a small step of progress, a person who is capable of having healthy relationships again. And it will feel so good to be able to do that, especially if you have been living life largely alone for a while.
As a priest, I am acutely aware of how hard it can be to feel unsafe. And I am sorry for our divided world. Sin and hurt are everywhere. I ask you only to trust that God is still at work and He desires more relational closeness for you and for others that you will bless with your friendship. I cannot guarantee that you will always be safe but I know that you are too unique to spend the rest of your life isolated from others.
May The Lord bless you in your journey to the joy He has in store for you and to share through you.